Trick or Treat?

1. Guess what's coming up?

2. I know you're excited, but can you please calm down?

Alright, great.

3. How are you going to top last year's costume?

4. Are you going to go as something that accentuates your natural attributes?

5. Maybe go as your favorite musician?

6. Your favorite reality star?

7.a) Maybe something easy that you don't have to throw much explanation at?

7.b) Doesn't it get exhausting having to explain your costume over and over again?

8. Are you afraid people will judge you for not having enough Halloween spirit?

9.a) Maybe you should collaborate with your family this year and go for a group costume?

9.b) Eh, maybe not after last year...?

10. You could always dress up with a group of friends instead, right?

11. Not rolling with a large group this year?

12. No friends? I guess you could always do a stand-alone costume...

(as though this kid doesn't get shit on enough already in everyday life)

13. Would you like to take your chances and really go all out?

(note, you will no longer be invited to participate in Halloween....this guy too...officially uninvited)

14.a) Ugh, why are there so many bros out in full force on Halloween?

14.b) Where do you all come from?

14.c) Why must you taunt us with your non-clever dick and ball references?

(WE. GET. IT.)

(shame on you for supporting this, keyhole)

15.a) While we're on the topic of classiness: Ladies, can you explain this?

15.b)Is this how you remember Spiderman?

15.c) Are you trying to ruin our childhoods?

(success)

15.d)Who felt the need to make sexy pizza a thing?

15.e) Have you learned nothing from mean girls?

16. What do you think this is, Burning Man?

17.a) Also: Please God, can we be done with this?

17.b) And make a pact to not do this?

17.c) If you can agree to the above terms, we'll give you a free pass on this:

18. Keep is classy this Halloween, deal?

Kwestions for Kimye Re: Your Recent Engagement

Kanye - I will answer your kwestion with another kwestion:

1. Why so whiney?

2. Why San Francisco?

3. Are either of you from San Francisco?

(No)

4. Why AT&T Park?

5. Do either of you like the Giants?

(me neither)

6. Or even baseball at all?

(pictured here live tweeting a basketball game, which you don't seem to enjoy much either, if we are being honest)

7. Was this purely a stunt to get back at Dodger's fans?

8. Where are you today? Still in SF?

9. Is Khloe available to hang out?

(please??)

10. Is that the creator of Girls Gone Wild?

11. Shouldn't he be in jail?

12. In light of recent events, was Bruce Jenner left out?

 

 (you were right not to invite him, he would just cause a scene)

13. Is that thing heavy??

(it sure looks heavy)

14. Which felt better: Getting engaged, or getting engaged in clothes other people aren't allowed to have yet?

15. In the above, you guys look:

A. Happy

B. Rich

C. Confused

 

16. WHERE IS (K)NORTH?! Why is she never with you two?

 (The (K) is silent)

17. Do you have a prenup?

 

 

18. Are all of the Kardashians excited?

A Thicke Set of Questions

Now that all the fuss about Miley has blown over, we have some important questions about you, Jr. Thicke:

1. Robin Thicke, what is your deal?

2. Did it all start to go down hill when you cut your luscious Creed hair?

Nice pedestal, brah.


3. Is this an optical illusion, or is that really your hand in a lady's butt?

It's just so...way up there.


4. "Blurred Lines" is clearly very rapey, do you agree?

No thank you!

5. Where is Alan Thicke during all of this?? Shouldn't he be throwing life lessons at this situation left and right?

6. What does your wife actually think of you these days?

7. Not to beat a dead horse, but was she mad when Miley did her pancake booty grind on you?

8. This question is for you Canada: Can you please kindly dispose of your trash in your own dumpsters?

We have had enough of this.

9. This one is most important, and for you Pharrell: What is a dude like you hanging around this guy?

• Surely you have cooler friends?

       
10. Ok back to you, Thicke: Were you aware that you spelled "is" wrong in this video?

Someone needs a better editor.

11. And the final question that just begs to be asked: Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice?